Trip to the library. Dr. Sachs’ book Awakenings. Dopamine

Recently I’ve spent some time listening to writing podcasts. One writing teacher suggests that we alleviate “writer’s block” by going out and living life, or reading something of interest. I haven’t been experiencing a traditional “writer’s block,” which often includes the proverbially blank piece of paper a writer stares at for hours upon hours. However, I was feeling a little stale and needed to freshen up my thinking a bit. So, I went to the library.

When I was doing my graduate work, I regularly spent entire days in the University library. I loved to focus my efforts on whatever assignments were due, but another true joy was simply wandering around and being surprised by the titles I encountered. New ideas seemed to jump out at me, and there were no shortages of rabbit holes to go down. So much information, and so many possible directions I could take my work!

My experience today was somewhat different. I somehow felt out of practice. For one thing, I was in a city library, which was never my default since I was connected to the University. I walked in, went right to the library computer, and typed in my search fields. I was interested in finding information about dopamine, and Parkinson’s Disease. My dopamine search yielded a whopping two books in the results section. I jotted down the information for one of them for later reference. The Parkinson’s search was much more fruitful. Seven or eight books, all in the same section of the stacks, appeared in the results. Jackpot! Even more exciting was the fact that Dr. Oliver Sacks’ book “Awakenings” was one of the results. I had no idea that he referred to Parkinson’s in this book. As I did a little more reading, I found that the patients about whom the book was written, suffered from a Parkinsonian ailment named Encephalitis Lethargica. The story tells of his work with these patients during the summer of 1969, when he experimented with L-Dopa as a treatment for their catatonic conditions. So much exciting stuff to learn and read about! I happily marched to the stacks to claim my two golden books. Hmmm. After double and triple searching, I realized that neither book was there. A little dejected, and bothered by the patron with the persistent cough, I decided to go home without these books. All was not lost, though. Upon arriving at home, I searched for both titles and found a wealth of inspiring information. So many exciting videos of Dr. Sacks being interviewed and explaining his work. I am re-inspired to read his book, and to watch the movie “Awakenings”.

I was also able to find summaries of the main points of the book on dopamine. It seems that dopamine is somewhat misunderstood to be the pleasure chemical in the brain. The more I read, the more it becomes clear that dopamine has very little to do with pleasure, and much more to do with motivation and reward. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that kicks in when we feel a desire to do something, or to achieve a goal, maybe climb a mountain. It’s the chemical of the future brain, the brain that is challenged to improve or reach further. It’s the chemical that is activated by surprise outcomes, not by expected results. When we feel self-satisfied and a little like kicking back and celebrating our greatness, dopamine is not activated. Rather, it is in full force when we realize that we might have missed the mark and missed our goals. It kicks in to motivate us to work harder, get back in the ring, and keep fighting for what we desire. It activates so we can activate. Without dopamine, we can easily become lethargic and simply accept whatever happens to us. We wouldn’t fight to create a future for ourselves. In fact, we would probably just passively accept anything that came our way.

As a PWP, I’m a little bothered by this. Knowing that Parkinson’s is caused by a deficiency of dopamine in the brain, I wonder if I’m doomed to simply accept anything that comes my way. Is there any fight left in this old dog, or will I just lay at the feet of anyone or anything that will scratch me behind the ear? What do I have to do to create and activate more dopamine in my brain? Yes, Levodopa helps, but only in short bursts. Will I still have any deep, long-lasting commitments to achieving important goals, or is that a thing of the past?
I’m not sure I know the answers to these questions. I’m keenly aware of the questions and their ramifications for my life. I plan to continue reading, experiencing, and experimenting so I can report back to you, the reader. I’ll let you know what I learn. Won’t you also do the same?

818 words
Day 33: September 1, 2023
Success!