Nietzsche — 'When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.' Very insightful reflection

In this space, I have often written about the fatigue and exhaustion I experience at the hands of Parkinson’s Disease. As I continue my journey with Parkinson’s, I’m less sure of the source of my fatigue. Is it the Parkinson’s itself that causes me to be so tired, or am I lacking in energy because of the medication I take to treat the symptoms? Some nights are very restful, while others are filled with uncontrollable movements and untamed thoughts. Same ailment, same medication, different outcomes. By extension, a restless night seems to correlate with a groggy and unproductive day. Physical exhaustion seems to trigger mental and emotional regression, as the great German thinker Friedrich Nietzsche asserted in the late 19th century: “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”

The scene and characters used in this aphorism are curious. We seem to be called into a scene of battle, where our greatest enemies are ideas and our protective armor is sleep and all its pursuant benefits. We are called to be ever-vigilant and well-rested, lest our already-conquered ideas regroup and attack us anew. How easily I can fall back into old, conquered patterns of thinking and unfounded fears.

Even though every new day with Parkinson’s is, well, a new day with Parkinson’s, I am in the process of developing a deepening understanding and relationship with the ailment. We are forming a history and a type of trust built on time spent together. I learn more about Parkinson’s with each passing day. How does it affect me? How do I react? Parkinson’s and I engage in a daily exercise of pushing hands, similar to that in Tai Chi, in which we learn to yield to force and redirect it, rather than resisting force with force.

The daily lessons are many and powerful, yet they can be undone quickly and easily when I am tired. Without proper sleep I allow myself to become vulnerable to attack. I once again fear the enemy and give it much more power over me than it deserves. I allow it to wildly dominate my life, even though I have succeeded in placing it in a manageable container. I regress and regret. I freeze and fear. I become helpless and hopeless.
When we are well-rested, though, our prize seems to be perspective. We look back on our old, conquered ideas and see them neatly arranged in a controlled setting. We see a cleanly-swept path leading from those ideas to where we now stand. That path, once littered with fearful ideas, is now attractive and beautiful. We have travelled the journey and arrived at a point of peace and understanding. We feel ready to move on to the next day.

Yes, Nietzsche was wise to point out the inherent power in rest. After a good night’s sleep, we feel ready to conquer, not just the day, but all of the enemy ideas that might be lurking. Good night! Sleep well!

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Day 84: October 22, 2023
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