Open Minds and Narrow Spaces

When I wrote my 100th daily reflection last November, I was in need of some recovery time. During my time off, I celebrated the accomplishment of writing 100 days in a row, and subsequently devoted my efforts to creating titles for each daily reflection as well as chapter titles for a future book. Along with my friend and webmaster extraordinaire, we created and published this website and blog (PDSlowMovements.com).

Our family celebrated the marriage of our daughter and new son-in-law in January, and our entire family took a goal trip to Vienna, Austria in March. Big events demanded much planning and not just a little anxiety on my part. How would I manage my Parkinson’s symptoms while fulfilling my role as host and father of the bride? What kind of physical accommodations would we need to make while travelling in a foreign country? My wife and I planned, read, debated, and finally made some uncomfortable decisions, which proved to be exactly right.

As we rounded the corner after the holidays and greeted a new year, I had to give my mobility some serious thought. My walking had become more labored as my developing limp became increasingly pronounced. I resisted every step of the way when my wife suggested using a wheel chair or some other adaptive device in Vienna. I’m not sure just how I thought I would manage without such assistance, but I stubbornly believed I could. After all, I didn’t want to be the limiting factor who caused the entire family to slow their pace and worry about grandpa. I’ll just keep thinking about it… I conceded to seek the advice of a physical therapist. At my intake appointment, my wife and I explained that we would be travelling to Vienna in about six weeks, and I needed to be able to walk and get around. Could he help me? He assured us that he could help, and stated that his primary goal was to make sure I could walk in Vienna and have a wonderful trip. Thank the Lord for this wonderful physical therapist!

In order to address the uncontrollable shaking of my right leg that had developed about this time, I was referred to the maker of an adaptive brace that would limit my leg movements and help me maintain balance and mobility. The brace fits in the shoe and straps on outside of my pant leg to just under my knee. It provides so much stability for my leg that my knee doesn’t shake as much. At first, I had trouble believing that something that didn’t even wrap around the knee could actually stabilize it. After getting used to walking with it, I saw firsthand that it stabilizes the knee simply by controlling the random adjacent movements of the leg. The guardrails that it creates around the knee result in a stable, confined space in which my knee can relax. With relaxed knee muscles, there is less randomized movement and knee strain.

I have grown comfortable with wearing my leg brace, and hardly worry that it looks awkward or calls attention to my Parkinson’s symptoms. The comfort it provides is well worth any inconvenience or attention it might call for. Such was the case a few weeks ago, when we were at the out-of-town wedding of our godson.

My wife and I were helping our friends out with a multitude of details during the days leading up to the wedding. There was set up and tear down for the rehearsal dinner, countless trips to and from the car, and finally, some time to relax in our hotel room. I had scouted out the shower, and saw it to be a standard, narrow tub shower that I hoped had good water pressure and hot water. I found both the temperature and pressure to be exactly what I had hope for, and was pleasantly surprised with one additional feature. As I showered, even with my eyes closed, I found myself to be comfortable standing. I wasn’t worried about falling, nor was I feeling like I might. I was able to rinse off without either hand touching the wall for balance, and even moved freely with my eyes closed. This was a freeing shower, one that I hadn’t experienced since the days before Parkinson’s! I wondered why this might be the case, but didn’t give it too much thought over the next few days. Quite frankly, all I wanted to do is to experience it again and again.

Today, as I write about balance, I am thinking of the confines of my leg brace and the narrow shower walls. Could there be a connection between the narrow spaces in which we function and the sense of balance we feel? Could it be that unlimited freedom of movement can actually lessen the amount of balance we experience? Just as my leg moved freely and uncontrollably without the brace, maybe we tend to move freely and uncontrollably without purpose in our lives until we (or Parkinson’s?) establish some guardrails to create balance. Perhaps I am able to function with greater balance when the walls of my life provide me with a narrow space within which to move. These are weighty ideas, to be sure. I look forward to returning to them in future posts. Until then!

Summer of Balance
Day 3: May 21, 2024
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